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"Grapefruit Grandma" by Pastor Robert Wall

Posted on March 10, 2020 at 10:50 AM

Now my Brother and I were something else when we were growing up. If it crossed our mind, we usually did it……..Not so smart I might add. We never thought too much about if someone would get hurt, our philosophy was, ” if it makes someone laugh….well it was all worth it”.  I think my a Brother was the more mean of the two of us, but that’s just my opinion of coarse. There have been several times in my adult life since the birth of my own three kids, that I just have to go apologize to my parents.

Back in the day when we were just teenagers, my Brother would go to spend time with his girlfriend. When he came in that night at 11:00 pm ( that was his curfew time ) he would always go to the phone in the hall of our house and call his girlfriend to say he was home safe and good night. Way before the day of cell phones and even before the cordless phone. Our phone was a wall mounted thing with a rotary dial, and a 1/2 mile of cord on the receiver so you could talk anywhere in the house. Now if you had one of these long cords, well you were up town. This phone hung on the wall in our hallway between the kitchen and my bedroom door. During the Fall we always had a 40 lb box of Grapefruit as well as Oranges in the kitchen that my Parents bought from the High School FFA. After my Brothers goodbyes that mean joker would grab a Grapefruit and walk to my doorway, and throw that Grapefruit as hard as he could towards my bed. We are talking Nolan Ryan here………!!! Now you have not been woke up properly in the middle of the night, until you have had your nose and lips splattered by a 100 MPH Wild Flying Grapefruit. Not to mention all the sticky juice and pulp all over your bed and room……everyone should experience it just once. But this was an every weekend occurrence . I knew I would get my revenge soon.

Well it got kinda stormy one Friday night and my Grandma spent the night at our house because she was as scared of a storm as a Possum is an axe handle. I thought this was my big chance. Now I never saw in my mind the results concerning my Grandma, I only saw the shock on my Brothers face as these things played out in my mind. My Grandma said, ” I will sleep on the sofa”. “No way”‘ I said. You sleep in my bed. And so it was settled. So I hid myself in my Brothers room awaiting his big arrival. I saw the lights of his ole Ford pickup pull In the driveway. My heart was racing with excitement, still never thinking past it to the final results. He came in the door and headed to the phone and made his call as usual. After the call was over I saw him reach in the box of Grapefruit. The outside security light was shining through the kitchen window just enough to see. He proceeded to my bedroom door and with everything he had, he flung that huge Grapefruit at my bed. By the time that thing connected with grandmas head, he was already in his room with door closed behind him.

Now as all hell was breaking loose in my room, he was searching for the light switch in his room. The look on his face was worth it all when the light came on and I was sitting in his bed. His words sounded something like, “God Bless America, who is in your bed”? I looked him right in the eyes and said, “Grandma! Enjoy your night”!!  Needless to say the night was not too peaceful at the Wall establishment.

We as people tend to take or let things go too far. Never thinking ahead to the consequences of our choices. We get so wrapped up in the getting even thoughts in our head, that it consumes us. And if we keep on giving thoughts to revenge, we usually end up doing something stupid and causing other unsuspecting people harm.  Lord help me to always consider the consequences to my actions………..

Now I just can’t quit here. Several weeks past with no fruit entering my room. Just when I got comfortable again, one Friday night while in a deep sleep, my bedroom light popped on. I sat straight up in bed only to have my forehead meet a Huge Grapefruit mid air……..and in my mind I thought……” I wonder if the Pastor has ever wanted to spend the night with us”.

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